Episode II: Can I Have Fries with that Cake? Dating In the Plus Size World

Welcome back to the Cheyenne Hour!

I hope all is going well. Last night as I was trying to go to sleep I thought of the perfect topic for this episode: dating. Now, please be aware that this specific post is not going to be about how to date (sorry to let anyone down but that’s another topic for the future when my ass becomes a guru at it) but about the shit that comes with dating.  I plan to share a few brief anecdotes about my experiences and then my insight on said accounts.  As always, please feel free to comment and also share your stories.  I will forewarn y’all, Cheyenne is about to spill some tea that is PIPING hot, so get your cups ready, Phatties!

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I. Compliments vs Bullshit

First and foremost I would like to discuss my experiences on getting complimented.  Prior to me coming into my own as a woman, I never received many compliments, primarily because I probably put out this aura that I felt awkward and unwanted.  However, now, as I venture deeper and deeper into adulthood and my own personal comfort is skyrocketing, I am being graced with more and more compliments and I have to say some of these are great while others are, well… nauseating AF to say the least.

Let me just say this, being complimented is a beautiful thing.  It feels good when others genuinely appreciate things about us.  However, what isn’t a beautiful thing is a bullshit compliment.  Let’s play a little game, y’all! It’s called Compliment or Bullshit.  I’m gonna give two brief descriptions of things that have been said to me and we’re going to pick which one is a compliment and which one isn’t.

Scenario Uno– I was sitting in the student lounge of a sister branch of the university that I attend, and this guy approached me.  He strikes up a conversation with me, and we begin to introduce ourselves and converse from there.  About an hour in he mentions that he thinks that I am very pretty but even more so very intelligent, funny and personable.  He asked me to take me out, and I agreed.

Scenario Dos– New Years Day I went barhopping with my friends from college, and I met this guy.  We exchanged numbers and went from there.  While we were texting we talked about goals and I expressed my goals to lose weight and to make myself healthy.  He responds with “As long as you don’t lose that butt”.  I laugh to myself and respond with the crying emoji.  He then says that he likes his women bbw, and then I decided this was a time to switch gears in the conversation.

Clearly the answers are as obvious as improperly blended leave-out but we’re still gonna go with the game.  Which scenario features a compliment, and which features bullshit?  Ding, ding, ding! You guessed it.  The first is obviously a compliment and the second is just a hot ass mess.  Here’s why:

The first features the man approaching me with a conversation.  The conversation featured a nice, slow start to building something and then a nice compliment on my personality.  Even though he did compliment my appearance, which is totally fine, he didn’t come at me in a sexual manner or come on too strong to the point where I felt uncomfortable.  The second one is a hot mess because I’m trying to discuss a serious goal here, and all you can talk about is my ass.  In addition to this he had to talk about how he liked his girls “bbw”.  I already have a gripe with this term because people have been acting like Drake was the person that came up with it.  First of all, that’s completely incorrect because last time I checked there were porn servers that have discussed this title way before “Only” dropped.  Secondly, what Drake is referring to really isn’t a plus size woman.  It’s just a girl with a fat ass and big boobs (9/10 those are surgically enhanced but that’s another story for another post).  Thirdly, if this is all you can talk about when you see me then we have a problem.  050a0b4d99f4f2406642630861f5a071267a8d

Complimenting my body is one thing but the way one goes about it is what really changes it from a compliment to a creepliment. This whole thing is complete bullshit because his approach is so off that I’m just completely turned off.

As a plus size woman, I think dating is hard because you feel like you’re constantly sifting the sugar out of the salt.  There are many men who fetishize our bodies, and that shit is no bueno.  I know that I’m pretty, have nice body parts, xy&z.  However, sometimes I just really want to hear about what type of person I am.  I want someone that appreciates me for my quirkiness, sense of humor and many other idiosyncrasies.

II. So Tell Him What You Want, What you Really, Really Want

In short, I just think we need to start asking ourselves what we want when we date and then convey that to the person we’re considering as a dating partner.  You have to be honest with yourself and the universe in order to get what you really want.  We have to leave these, excuse my crudeness, fuckboys in 2015 and stop allowing them to creep up in this year.  At the end of the day the ball is in our court and where we choose to take it is totally up to us!

As always if you have any questions,  comments, concerns, please feel free to input them at the bottom of this post.  It’s always a pleasure having you here at The Cheyenne Hour.  Until next time, phatties!

 

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