Hola Fam! I am back again with another post. The previous post pertained to some of my favourite or least favourite makeup products. Now I’m switching gears a bit to discuss something that is very relevant: online dating. In this day and age, we use our cellular life lines not only for social media, reminders to clean our piercings and the occasional event on the Kendall and Kylie game but to also find our next “bae” or next fwb (I hate this term and was really trying my damnedest to be polite about it but oh well). At one point, it was an embarrassment to be “seeking a serious relationship” online. However, in 2016, where online dating is as commonplace as brushing your teeth, one can now leave the guilt behind. At first, ya girl was not down in the DM, but now I dibble and dabble in online dating. I have come to tell you that I dabble from time to time. At first, I was very self-conscious about my appearance and my weight. Now I’m in a place where I embrace my inner and outer beauty and put myself out there and try to do so in the most positive and honest way possible. Being plus sized on and off line can be a challenge because you have to deal with so much bullshit in the chat and in the public sphere. However, if you go with confidence and an open mind, navigating these spaces can seem a lot easier and less bleak.
This being said I’m going to break down a few sites/ apps I’ve tried and let you know the pros and cons of them.
Pro: You get to choose with swiping
Tinder is the collegiate’s best friend and worse nightmare. On a positive note you can choose who you want to swipe right for. Yes, you need for the other individual to swipe right on you as well in order to get a match. The fact of the matter is that you have the option to swiftly go through who you want and don’t want.
Cons: Lack in customization for search filters; not an app for LTR dating
Unlike other dating platforms, you cannot search for someone based on their ethnicity, height, interests, and many other things that you might want in a partner. Also, Tinder is really not the place to be if you’re looking to be anything but casual. This should totally be considered before you even download it.
Pros: Partially customizable searches; extensive profiles
Aside from having to have to pay for some of the search filters such as level of attractiveness, you can pretty much find the type of person you think you’d be interested in. A lot of people do spend time writing some pretty interesting and quirky profiles, so if you’re into reading about people then this is for you.
Cons: Everything else
There’s a reason why I call this OkStupid. As a plus size woman of colour, this was a very hard space for me to find someone interesting and respectable. I’ve had a lot of messages from mostly white men fetishizing me for my size and my ethnicity, and to be honest, that shit gets really old really quick. Also, there are some men of colour on the site but even they, too, exhibit some fuckboy traits that are completely inexcusable. How dare you fly into my DMs like a thirsty ass bat out of hell with some bullshit when I spent all that time and patience crafting a nice, honest profile.
3. Soul Swipe
Pro: It’s ethnic and something different
I looked into Soul Swipe because I wanted something with a more POC people to engage. I was tired of experiencing these whitewashed spaces and decided to go with something more geared to my needs. Needless to say it did not disappoint me in this aspect.
Con: Very ratchet and needs to go back to the drawing board.
There was a lot of ratchetivity on this app. I have not downloaded this again as of late. However, when I first had it, Soul Swipe was a hot. ass. mess. First of all, there clearly wasn’t anyone monitoring the types of pictures on this site because some people had very inappropriate pictures as their profile pictures that clearly violated some sort of privacy and could be quite offensive. Seeing these not only made my eyes burn with sin but also prayed that someone was hopefully reviewing this app. I don’t know if this is Soul Swipe or Fuckboy Free-For-All because the other individuals here were just not up to par. Lastly, this app was glitchy as all hell, so I hope the developers sat down and reevaluated their lives and this app.
4. Plenty of Fish
Pros: Diverse; customizable search filters
Like the name of this site/app, there really are plenty of fish. The customizations are through the roof! You can pretty much keep and open mind and still find what you’re looking for in terms of what is being put on the profiles.
Cons: Plenty of Fakes/Flops/Fuckboys
Clearly there isn’t enough water for these “fish” because the amount of thirst on this site is incomprehensible. Again, you see a lot of individuals portraying a false lifestyle and false intentions. I will say this, a lot of these profiles are quite comical despite sometimes being poorly written.
The takeaway: online dating is a demon of its own. You never know what you’re going to get until you try it. I recommend that everyone has at least one experience with it because it’s not only entertaining but also a good way to test the waters of what you want. However, I personally now like meeting people organically because I like to see a person up front to see what vibe I’m getting instead of having to anticipate a vibe or pick up a false one based on a few messages.
Please keep in mind that other people rejecting you or not responding to your messages is not always a reflection of you but of themselves. Always feel confident in and love yourself and you will find the person that you truly deserve. In short, keep an open mind and broaden your horizons whether on or offline.
Thank you everyone for your love and support! Until next time!