Episode XIII: A Dating Discussion

Hello again, y’all! I just wanted to start off with saying Happy early Thanksgiving to all my woadies!  I know y’all are going to be getting on the good foot with some candied yams, mac and cheese and collard greens in t-minus 120 hours from now (sheeeit, I KNOW  I will be! 💁🏽😎). Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m just going to swan-dive head first into my topic.  I’ve been putting this shit off for a while because I honestly didn’t know how to approach it.  Part of me wanted it to be just a big-ass rant and call it a day, but the other part of me wanted it to be more of an open forum where I leave discussion questions  to just get a conversation started with everyone.  This being said, this post will in fact be a rant.  However, I will leave a few questions at the bottom so that they can possibly jump start a conversation.

This post’s topic is going to be all about my sentiments on dating.  I’ve posted posts about dating in the past. This post, however, is going to be based on my personal experiences with dating.  Let’s spill the thé shall we?

As a plus sized/ curvy/ T H I C C/ bbw (y’all know I hate that term but I’m just using it as a well-known description) young, African American woman, I do find myself having some difficulty with dating.  Being that I’m 22, dating in my age range seems to be half past nonexistent, and I’ve pretty much resorted to dating men slightly older than I am.  I’m currently dating someone who is 28 (and tbqh he sometimes acts like he’s my age but we’ll get into that shortly).  The youngest person that I’ve dated is currently 23.

Despite that I thought that the age difference would help, I’m still finding a common denominator that no one wants to date exclusively.  In a world where “Netflix and Chill” is the wave, people just don’t want to really get to know others, which is obviously their choice, but for me, it’s getting old real quick. Real. Real. Quick.

My dating experiences have ranged from a hot ass mess to pretty lit.  My first few dates with my first and only boyfriend (currently my first and only ex) were far and few in between, and they were mostly planned by me.  The subsequent dates after my ex were okay.  I was going through a lot, so I wasn’t really feeling anyone at the time because my heart wasn’t in it.  The vibe on my end just felt like it wasn’t meshing well with theirs, and therefore I felt that my dating life wasn’t where I wanted it to be.

Currently, I’m dating the 28-year-old, and we’ve been dating for approx. four months now.  I will honestly say that some of the best dates I’ve ever had have been with him.  We have very similar tastes in music, food and subcultures (i.e. comics and anime).  He’s also taken me on some very versatile dates that I haven’t done with other people, and that within itself  has been wonderful.  These experiences have positively affected my mood, self-esteem and self-confidence.  However, I do find myself slightly hitting a roadblock because I don’t know where this going, and he really hasn’t given me a concrete answer to that either.  It is totally fine that we don’t always have the answers for things right away.  However, there should be a certain point in time where these things need to be addressed.  To be honest, I do like him and I like spending time with him, but sometimes his level of maturity, or lack there of, can be a slight turn off.  I am at a point where I do want to work towards something that is more on an exclusive level, and I’m not saying to tie the knot, but it would be nice to have a boyfriend.

You may ask what my thoughts are on dating and I will break it down to you in this one simple sentence: Dating ain’t shit until you make it so.  Dating, just like everything else in this world, needs to be worked at and requires patience.  I, Cheyenne, am not really a patient person when it comes to things like this, so I constantly find myself getting flustered, pissed and upset over the dating process, dudes that I’ve dated, etc.  Now that I’ve been dating consistently, I am starting to learn to accept that everything and everyone is naturally flawed and that I just need to trust in my intuition and good faith to guide me through it all.

 Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor are relationships, but if you work at it brick by brick, step by step, it can be whatever you make it, so long as the mortar that holds it together is made by honesty, communication, accountability and initiative, and these things require two sets of hands and two sets of eyes to work through it.  If things don’t work or can’t be rectified, then sometimes you find yourself starting over, which can be annoying, especially if you’ve started over multiple times.  Like anything else, you can continue to move forward in time, and will eventually find what works for you and your significant other.  At the end of the day, you go to bed knowing that it is and feels better to work with someone that’s willing to work with you than to work with unaccountable dead weight.  Dating should be fun, safe and a new experience.  Use the preliminary stages of your romantic relationship to get to know the person and to explore new and fun experiences that will enhance your life.  Always stay true to what you stand for and want, and NEVER settle for less than that!

I’m going to drop a few conversation questions here just to get other viewpoints on how you all view dating. Even if you find other things to discuss, please feel free to comment.

  1. What are your overall views on dating? How has it impacted you personally?
  2. What is the best and/or worst date you’ve been on?
  3. Do you normally date within your age range? If not, what age range do you date in?

As always, it’s a pleasure to be sharing my viewpoints with you guys!  Please like, share and comment.  ‘Til next time!

~Cheyenne Out.


3 thoughts on “Episode XIII: A Dating Discussion

  1. Well, if he gives you the feeling that he isn’t sure yet. Turn it around and show him that you aren’t sure yet either!
    Go on dates with other guys and you’ll see that if he’s the right one for a relationship, he’ll want you exclusively!
    If he isn’t you can either continue to date him or tell him to get lost.
    Either way, you’ll be sure not to be wasting your time!
    Men don’t like to feel trapped and yes, they want to hunt you down. If it’s the other way around, that a lady is chasing him, they get scared and run the other direction.
    I’ve dated mostly guys that were older than me. I’m 39 now, at this time guys my age have grown up.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I dated my current boyfriend for 10 months before we became official. I think it depends on each individual person. It was hard at first, but I continued to date other men too until he and I discussed being in a relationship. It was frustrating as hell at the time because I want what I want when I want it. So, waiting on a commitment was ingratiating. My date range is up to 10 years. So, at 41 I will date a man who is 51. My boyfriend is 43 so we are close in age.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. @Tikeetha T and @Tatiana, Now that I see that we have a bit of a range here in terms of experiences and ages of both ourselves and the people we/have date/d. Update: things have gotten better with my situation and we take it day-by-day. I would agree that it does all depend on the person and the situation and that you sometimes just have to go with the flow.

      Liked by 1 person

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